All Pro Dad

I’m not sure if its just my area or if its in all areas, but, my 8 year old daughter’s school has this thing they call an All Pro Dad breakfast every third Tuesday of the month. Now at first thought one might imagine this being a great thing, a bunch of dads getting together with their kids @ 7:30-8 talking with each other enjoying breakfast.

Until you walk in.

It’s like walking into a Bring Your Kid to an AA meeting day. All these miserable looking fathers sitting around in chairs that were clearly meant for Hobbits, with these looks on their faces like you were supposed to bring the rescue party, only to realize its just you.

You soon begin to understand that most of these dads are only here because of some barter they made with their wives and now see they got the short end of the stick in that deal. Then theres also the Leave it to Beaver dads that are there because, gee golly, they just love their little rascal so dang much. Which is fine in its own right, at least they were happy to be there. I just don’t trust anyone who`s that fucking chipper at 7:30 in the morning.

There were a couple of dads like me who were hoping this were more of an eat Breakfast with your kids and shoot the shit with other dads kinda thing. We just looked at each other like “should we just go to McDonald’s? Oh fuck it were already here, lets see how weird this party gets”.

Then there was the group affirmation, which bothered me, because, who the fuck needs needs to affirm they love their kid in some creepy fucking cult chant?

It quickly became clear that this was less of a group of dads hanging out with their kids together, eating breakfast. As it was more a parenting education class disguised as a group of dads hanging out with their kids together, eating breakfast. Equipped with a powepoint, handouts, and going around the room and each one of us saying why our kid is special. I thought about saying something witty and fucked up, but then I realized, I couldnt afford to get detention.

I have to go to work later.

Gotta love a place that has to trick parents into hanging out with their kids.